i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
