Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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