i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
