You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
