She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
