Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the condom got lost in my hair
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
