With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
