he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
