I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
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