There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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