a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
