he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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