He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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