I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
