If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
