Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
