please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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