yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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