I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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