I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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