so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
