Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
