he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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