Ambien. No doubt about it.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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