i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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