you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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