she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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