i just wanna soil my oats bro
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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