Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
