When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Randomize
