Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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