Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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