I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
