bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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