If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
as a side note pls kill me
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
