No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
