who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
this is an emotional support booty call
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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