If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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