I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Randomize
