I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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