Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
