I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
