I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It's official drugs can't kill me
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
