Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
