It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
