Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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