giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
