it glows. i had to have it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
