someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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