the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
