i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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