imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
