Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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