people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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