I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
