god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
