Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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