I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
