I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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