2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
