Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I pour the whiskey from now on
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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