I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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