So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
