to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
