what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
