she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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